I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
