i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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