i was born a porn star she said
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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