Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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