How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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