Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
