perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
