When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
