I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I should be sponsored by Trojan
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
