so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
