I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
