WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
