I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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