I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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