Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
