Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
