i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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