I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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