Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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