That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We are two peas in an std pod
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
