We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
