also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
