Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
