Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
