all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
