We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
