if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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