my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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