Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
