I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
