First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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