If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
