some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
