you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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