Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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