I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Are we still banned from the library?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
