lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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