You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
