If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
