just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
