i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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