i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
