i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize