So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
