she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
