he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
