Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
