you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
