The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize