ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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