dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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