he wants to bone in the snuggie
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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