Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Couch. On fire.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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