If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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