16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
