So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
