I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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