I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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