He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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