did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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