do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
