last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
