i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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