please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
