so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
