We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's the barista slut.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
