So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize