The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
