Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
